After four years of staying home with my kids I am offically going back to work. Just at night, part-time waiting tables. We just needing some extra income to pay off some bills. I didn't mind looking for a job, I thought I could maintain that for awhile... like if God happens to put a job in my lap then I'll know it's from him and I'll take it. But that doesn't happen all the time, rarely infact, you actually have to interview, fax resumes, be an active participant. So the search began, I thought about going back to work full time during the day and could make great money, but for those of you who know me know, I couldn't leave my little ones in day care. So the only other alternative was waiting tables at night, the only thing you can do that makes enough money to be worth working. I already started a job and am working three nights next week. Friday, Saturday and Sunday night...goodbye social life....hello working world. It's been hard to swallow at times, looking in the mirror before work thinking, " SO you are back here again" But God has sustained me in giving grace that is needed to realize that sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do and that those things bring him glory. Trials, struggles, and hardship enable God to be strong and for me to see that it is upon Him that I depend. This past month I have been so down and have been fighting negative thoughts, wanting to escape, longing for heaven, feeling sometimes like what's the point, but this week God again came to my rescue with this verse, "
" Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not percieve it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert" Is 43:18
This is what God is promising me right now, that he is doing a new thing, changing my heart and my mind to be like Christ, and it is a new thing. He will make a way in this wilderness and bring rivers in this desert heart of mine. Oh Lord may I declare praise to you even in my hardest moments. May it be a joy to lay down my life and my wants and preferences for your will. Be merciful Oh God, , my soul rests in you alone.